I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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