I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
