Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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