Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
