if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
