last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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