I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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