Michael Bay diarrhea
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
