hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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