hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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