Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, beer. Big fan.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
