He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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