I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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