My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
