How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize