I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
