3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
