i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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