tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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