he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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