what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
