She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
