there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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