you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
