Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
