I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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