I'm really into asian looking animals
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
