No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
