Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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