My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
