All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
