This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
