we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I love you. Go after that dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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