So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am spending my child support on dildos
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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