And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
