you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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