is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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