peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
