then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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