its not stalking. its research.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
