At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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