she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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