i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
