dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think my moral compass just broke
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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