So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
