break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
