I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
