We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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