also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
