Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
