I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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