fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
