i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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