Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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