I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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