Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
