Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
