she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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