yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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