Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
