I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
