Need sex. Gaining weight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
