I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My ATM looks so different sober.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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