Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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