i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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