Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
