I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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