Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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