I got chris browned last night
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
