I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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