my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize