do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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